feels like falling...

so, im not really sure whats going on with me right now. its one of those days. BLECH! when i look at this pic of the arch (taken at the base of one side) it makes me feel unstable on my feet. i remember how i felt standing at the base of it-it felt like falling. im not happy today. ive been on edge for the last few days. the person who sits on the bus in front of me has a gigantic stuffed frog that he bought to sleep on, but he gets tired of it taking up his space so he drapes it over the back so its staring at me. this doesnt sound like a big deal but when you are on the bus for 5-8 hours a day and your living space for that entire time EVERY DAY is about 2 1/2 feet squared it becomes a big fucking deal. im already having visions of myself flipping out, screaming "get that fucking frog out of my goddamned face!" which when you put it in writing, well-there is no way around it, just sounds plain crazy. i have acually poked this frog in its plastic eye with a heart full of evil thoughts. this is what tour will do to a (relatively) sane girl. i will be so happy next week. i get a one week reprieve when i will go to florida to be with mom and g-ma. no bus, no show, no (platonically)sleeping with a man every third night. just kidding, he is acually one thing that keeps me happy here when i feel like im slipping. plus he is wickedly funny. for the most part its good, but then there are the times when i feel lonely, i miss las vegas, i miss having stability. it would be nice to have a boyfriend again someday! i refuse to date anyone im on tour with-i have seen the fallout that creates. its like trying to get to know someone and start something on big brother-its everyones business. no thank you....
little things get difficult-finding food. when you live in a hotel you have to eat out every meal which gets old and expensive. im almost tired of drinking almost every night (this is just to get out of the fucking hotel room)
im just bitching now....
this is payback time for every good thing that happened last year.