vote now-is she REALLY an asshole?-2004
so, i vote yes. i think im an asshole. im not even being sarcastic. here, in public format i will flay myself and put myself up for judgement and ridicule.
here is my platform:
point A-im very sensitive. you might say too sensitive in some circumstances.
point b-im selfish. i do want things to go my way.
point c-im standoffish when i meet people-i have been accused of snobbery. (this really does kill because im NOT a snob-just cautious when i meet people.) which brings me to-
point d-im a defensive person. i feel like i need to be right. (and in my defense i would say this comes from not being able to voice my opinion as a child.)
point e-i have at some point, in some way, done something to hurt every single person i love-(even if unintentionally.)
point f-im judgemental. i expect others will behave the way i would without taking into account their own wants and needs.
point g-i have a hard time admitting when im wrong and/or owning up to my own flaws.
point h-i feel like im usually right in a given situation-(not to be confused with feeling like i need to be right as mentioned in point d.)
point i-i want people to like me and to always see me in the best light.
i have been thinking about my flaws a LOT lately and really trying to be honest with myself about them, ensteading of automatically defending myself. i can be all these things. and putting this blog up kills me because its showing and aknowledging ALL the worst parts of my character without defense. but im doing it as an apology to the people in my life i care about who i have hurt or wronged because of these parts of myself. and i mean it very sincerely-im sorry.
note-this blog is not a cry for validation so i respectfully ask to not recieve any "thats not true" type comments. please accept it as it is meant-an apology that seeks nothing in return.
here is my platform:
point A-im very sensitive. you might say too sensitive in some circumstances.
point b-im selfish. i do want things to go my way.
point c-im standoffish when i meet people-i have been accused of snobbery. (this really does kill because im NOT a snob-just cautious when i meet people.) which brings me to-
point d-im a defensive person. i feel like i need to be right. (and in my defense i would say this comes from not being able to voice my opinion as a child.)
point e-i have at some point, in some way, done something to hurt every single person i love-(even if unintentionally.)
point f-im judgemental. i expect others will behave the way i would without taking into account their own wants and needs.
point g-i have a hard time admitting when im wrong and/or owning up to my own flaws.
point h-i feel like im usually right in a given situation-(not to be confused with feeling like i need to be right as mentioned in point d.)
point i-i want people to like me and to always see me in the best light.
i have been thinking about my flaws a LOT lately and really trying to be honest with myself about them, ensteading of automatically defending myself. i can be all these things. and putting this blog up kills me because its showing and aknowledging ALL the worst parts of my character without defense. but im doing it as an apology to the people in my life i care about who i have hurt or wronged because of these parts of myself. and i mean it very sincerely-im sorry.
note-this blog is not a cry for validation so i respectfully ask to not recieve any "thats not true" type comments. please accept it as it is meant-an apology that seeks nothing in return.
posted by lightaqua at 4:52 PM
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2 Comments:
jen i too had a striking self acualization today, and though it is so hard to admit our vices, it is part of what makes us human and what makes us most alive. I too have many of the qualities you mentioned about yourself, and all i can say is atleast your are aware of your qualities, good and bad. Its weird how we can struggle with such dicodomies of our selves, how we can be so generous and loving and yet so selfish.....almost to extreme levels. We are infact in our 20's so we should go easy on ourselves, atleast that is what i am doing in my head....as miche would say..."inner child needs attention and validation"...so, cheers to being human and vunerable. ni....who in true narcissistic form took your personal statment and turned it to be about herslef....cause as a good friend pointed out today..."it is all about nikki"....see you could be worse off...;0
I think its awesome to flaunt the flaws...Im judgemental, intolerant, lazy, and moody as all hell...god, that feels good....Mich
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