brand new year

so, i guess this is my feeble attempt to start writing on this thingy again. its been a crazy busy month. im not even going to try to catch-up. it is what it is. im going to go back to work soon. i am signing up for classes tomorow. im going to try to get in the surgery tech program. i feel a little lost, a little burnt out. im going to try not to drink for a few days. getting up at nine am makes me want to cry because it feels so unnatural. i wish i lived in a tent in the woods with a guy i knew once. i feel unsafe right now. a woman outside of my house this morning said she was lost and asked to come in. i told her no, sorry, im on my way out. by the time i came home a few hours later she had only made it to the corner. i wish i lived in a time where i could bring her in, help her-without the fear of her turning phychotic and attacking me. a few days ago a man asked a man for money because he was hungry. the man took him to dennys and bought him a meal, sat and talked with him. after the meal they went outside and at gunpoint the good samaritan had his wallet and car stolen. i dont like this world, i have no power to change our humanitys direction. the best i can hope for is to not be a victim of violence. oh wait-i already have been. maybe it wont happen again then. when i was 13 i would sneak out and wander all over downtown. unafraid. maybe i should do that again sometime. i long to be somewhere i feel safe. siiiiiiigh..........
i dont know what else to say. sometimes i think my dad had the right idea. he just folded into himself and quit. its like one day he woke up and said, nevermind-im not playing anymore. and it only took ten years for his body to catch up with his mind...
i think someone has played a dirty trick on me.