do it like the tai girls...

so, today i had one of the most interesting massages to date. disturbing at the time, funny in retrospect, just...wrong any way you look at it. lets call this fellow...jimbo (works for me)
so i pick up jimbo at the relaxation room for his massage and he's not the usual client. (note-i work at a highly respectable hotel-not some parlor on west sahara, so there can really be no confusion about what kind of massage is being offered.)
so jimbo, a disgusting slob if ive ever seen one,(and when it comes to clients i am honestly not jugdmental-he earned it!!!!)begins our interaction by flinging his beef-slab of an arm over my shoulders and giving me a very hard squeeze and says (verbatim!!!)-"weeeell, hello sweetie! so are you ready to do a massage-cause i fought in vietnam and took eight shots in the ass so you could go to school and become a little massage therapist-those bullet holes...they pain me. i need some serious deep tissue on my ass."
it was around this point that my heart had landed in the bottom of my shoes and i stopped breathing. you deal with a lot as a massage therapist-im not kidding-people drop shit on you thats unREAL!!! but this, i was just not prepared for jimbo.
so, as can be expected i did my best (while shooting evil looks of death at him in the dark) while he moaned, wiggled, touched himself everywhere except for the one place i could have acually ended the massage for. and he was verbal. im good at my job-and its not sex-i just dont need that kind of verbal encouragement (i promise if you just keep your mouth shut i will do my job.)
"oh girl, thats right, oooh thats how i like it" "you got the magic touch, oh those hands" "right there, aaaaaggh, yes, yes, yes" (at this point jimbo is acually almost flailing his head from side to side in ?extasy? ICK!!!!!!!!!!!!)
in the height of jimbo's passion when i truly thought it could not get worse i heard the words that will haunt me-"yes, yes, yes, do it like the tai girls!!!!!!"
at which point his WIFE who was getting massaged on the table next to him (since some poor woman found it in herself to marry him, and then get a couples massage with him!) said, "really jimbo! shut up-you are being inappropriate."
i wanted to die. i really considered giving him a fast chop to the windpipe, fleeing the premises, collecting my savings, and heading to south america to start my new life as a missionary. but, good worker bee that i am, i endured. i did my job. i gave him the deepest deep tissue i can manage, (it would make a lot of people scream.) as for jimbo, all i can hope is that wherever he is tonight-his ass is killing him!