bye-bye bed (a blog chock-full of sex stuff!!!)

so much to write about. and good lord am i TIRED!!! but i will be a good little blogger. so first off-bye-bye bed...
i realized the other day as i waited for my ridiculously comfortable new bed to be delivered the history of my pathetic, brokedown futon. oh, its a tale. and a lesson. its one pregnancy scare, and an std acualized. and its more than a few men. and im going to bare all...
so, i got my bed right after i seperated from my ex-husband. that was summer of 2001. i just wanted something temporary, so i got a cheap-ass futon. i also didnt bother changing my last name because i assumed after you had been married once, the seal is broken and its really easy to do again-well, ive still got his damn last name and i just got around to getting a real bed so things dont always go as planned.
in any case i offer up an honest and complete list of the men who have shared the bed with me. just for fun...
my ex-husband-hey, just because you seperated it doesnt mean you stop sleeping togther right? never drunk.
the marine from california-my first attempt at something after marriage, my last attempt at something with angry military men with drinking problems. scary drunk.
my dear friend who after meeting me and picking me up at a bar we both found out that his dad had been a renter in my grandmas house when he was young. the coincedence was just too crazy-thank goodness it didnt go on to the point of ruining a chance for friendship! happy drunk.
the recently divorced cowboy-cop. two months is not long enough. drama, drama, drama! plain out drunkety-drunk.
THE ex-my sweet. heartbreaker from texas-cant help but love him. great drunk-bad boyfriend...
another ex-my crazy chemistry man. my schizo relationship with this one started almost 10 years ago. drive each other crazy-in the best and worst ways. 50/50 split drunk-happy/mean/happy/mean....well maybe 80/20 to be fair :)
and last (for now) "sweet man" who recently at jess's insistance has lost his title.
the worst drunk i have ever dealt with. not so sweet.
so i realized a few things-making this list it seemed like there were surely more i was forgetting and then i realized i didnt bring a couple home therefor they did not technically share my bed and thus were disqualified from appearing in this blog.
2. my next door neighbor is currently VERY, SCARILY drunk. he keeps screaming, revving his car, taking off and coming back complete with squealing tires. im scared he will hit my car, or my bedroom. eeeck-which makes me look at the fact that not one single man i have dated since my divorce has not been a drunk of some sort. this is not a derogatory swipe at anyone-im a bit of a drunk myself. its just enteresting. i mean even the crazy english guy out on tour-physco drunk! whoa...
then i thought-man, im a little trampy-but then i thought about how many people i slept with before i got married and thought-in comparison to before not really, not so much. hahahahahahahahah-(mad cackling...)
plus im a recycler. i like sleeping with exes. here is funny one-a tale of two exes. (and possibly the dirtiest thing i have done-as an adult.) the british guy gave me an std (along with 3 wicked hangovers, and a dislike of punk brittish accents) but i didnt realize the little gift i had brought back to the states until i got the call from the health dept. monday morning several months ago informing me. the day after i slept with an ex who had a girlfriend at the time. four days after sleeping with another ex who yes, thats right-also had a girlfriend at the time. the incredible irony is both of these people cheated on me in our time together-and when they took a shot at recycling i UNKNOWINGLY I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING sent them home to their ladies with a parting gift so to speak-ah, std's-the gift that keeps on giving. i did feel very bad about it-in hindsight though its very funny. they have both split from those girls, and i have slept with them both since so i guess there are no hard feelings. ;) but, its the dawning a of a new day, in my new bed. no more recycling, no more unprotected anything-sex, heart, love-anything. i have been dreaming of true love, of something new and special. if you remember about a month ago i mentioned "someone very special." well, 2 nights ago i had a dream that his band was doing a show in some casino and we ran into each other and it was like instant true love. such a great dream, made me so happy-except that it wasnt real. i havnt seen him since that night and suddenly i have this amazing dream with him in it. well, turns out his band played house of blues two nights ago!!! crazy, eh?!?! and i swear, i knew nothing about the show or i would have been there! i want to see him again! and now i have this weird, physcic-ish dream about him...i dont know. my little inner hopeful romantic is jumping up and down...we will see.
and i guess for now thats all. (there is really a lot more, there always is-but im too tired. i quit.)