longest goodbye

i feel like a six year old, crying. like if i say "no, no, no...." enough times it will change things-provide a different outcome. but its real, and it wont change. it was always meant to go this way and took me just this long to come to to this moment and see it. im trying to accept it, with peace and with grace. but all i want to do is scream, and cry, "its not fair, its not fair." there is no happy ending, my knight isnt coming. there is no 12 hour reprieve. there are none so blind as those that will not see-has a truer statement ever been said? so right now, i cry because of my refusal to see-for him, it was just never me. i kept waiting for the grand gesture, foolish and full of faith in something that already died. i did it all to myself, there is no one to blame. this is my mind, but my heart, oh its breaking and trying to save itself and yelling at me to cover my eyes-its not to late, stay in denial, theres a chance there-but on the other side of this moment there is nothing but yourself and a lost dream. my heart is six right now and its begging me to stop. but my mind is 28 and its crying too, but still sees the need to be wiser, to let go. letting go doesnt free me, it shatters me.