ten things

1. socks. for the last ten years i have worn nothing but black socks. once a year i would buy several pairs of the same style black socks. i told myself that it just made doing laundry easier. recently i looked down and realized im really over my plain black socks. so this past weekend i went and bought a bunch of bright, crazy design socks. its a small thing, but when i looked down today and saw big pink fishes swimming over my ankles it made me happy. its making me look at all of the "black socks" in my life. like, maybe there are other things i would like to change...

2. i have a new job. since i have been doing massage for the last 6-7 years its a little nerve-wracking to be suddenly in a different field. where im insecure and i do not know what im doing. its good for me though. i used to work in veterinary care before i got into massage, and i had forgotten how much i enjoy spending my days with animals. my wrists and lower back keep cooing "thank you" to me so i think this is a good thing.

3. im staying in. i have no desire to do anything!!! and i don't care. and i dont want to make excuses for it. i am fully enjoying staying in with my honey and the cats. im drinking a little less and generally just feeling happier. and for once i dont feel like i may be "missing something."

4. tracy. she is moving in and im so happy because she is amazing. she is everything i look for in a friend. she is funny, honest, weird, real, beautiful heart, easy to talk to, and she gets me. the first time i talked to her for a bit i thought to myself-"i want to know that person my whole life." and thats rare. she is the best friend i have made here and its going to suck-ass when she leaves. we might just have to keep her prisoner... (creepy diabolical laughter)

5. im sick and i never get sick, so thats bullshit. i got this mutant virus that somehow penetrated my crazily strong health from sean, the guy im replacing at my new job. he trained me and left me a parting gift. thanks sean!

6. i will eat a bowl of john's meat any day! john's meat is delicious!!!

7. i have court on monday. and i think i have made peace with the whole thing. i mean i obviously do not want to be found guilty and go through all the crap that follows. BUT-if i am found guilty i would deserve whatever i get. i may not have been guilty that night, but i have been guilty many nights in my life of various things. so if i am found guilty i will accept it with grace and humility. i will say thank you as if i am accepting a lifetime achievement award. (which in a way i could look at it as a reward for a lifetime of less than stellar behavior.) lets face it-im not innocent. i have done many bad things and just never been caught. irregardless-the lesson has been learned. i will never drink and drive again. ever.

8. shan and i either need to lose weight or get a bigger bed, NOW! its getting ridiculous. i tell her we have gained a nicole ritchie between us PLUS three cats. we have become middle-of-the-night combatants. "i am RIGHT on the edge here." "scoot over!!!" there are violent blanket tuggings. we act like two people in a bunker trying to survive the night instead of what we should be-two girls getting much-needed sleepy time. (i must say a great deal of blame needs to be placed right at the paws of three very spoiled felines who usually insist on stretching out sideways across the bed to maximum body length. i have shoved at them with blanketed feet, cursing quietly in the dark. but, they are rocks. i am powerless to move them once they have pinned my legs.)

9. i love entertainment. i will not trash talk my tv. i am not one of the people that will say "oh, i never watch tv." i do not feel i am wasting my time, nor do i feel im just burning up brain cells. i love to read, i love movies, and i love my tv. i can watch it all day and not feel guilty. know what else i like? entertainment magazines. i WANT to know what jen garner is eating, or what color nail polish erykah badu is wearing-shamelessly. i love del taco. its my favorite food. i could eat it every single day and never think-"oh this is bad." in fact i have, for almost a year once-almost every day. i have been known to talk to my plants (well almost any inanimate object that i come in contact with can expect to be addressed by me.) i sing to my cats (and dance with them sometimes.) i dont brush my teeth before i go to bed, so what? i do not lay awake worrying about tooth decay or minty breath. i dont think i have the guilt gene.

10. im feeling happy right now. more peaceful than i have felt in a long time. the dwi really messed with my head and then the situation at my last job... it was just like everything turned to shit in a heartbeat. and its been a long climb back up since then. the great irony was literally the day before my arrest i was telling shan how wonderful life was, how everything was perfect. i learned another lesson-do not proclaim your happiness and good fortune too loudly for you are sure to receive the bitch-slap from the universe shortly thereafter. so i will just say quietly, "i am happy."