the abbreviated history of me

i am born. i have "family" issues. i get involved in sex and drugs very young. i am sent to california to "recover." i run away for awhile at 14 and become "worse." i am a complete social disaster in an innocent way. i end up after some time living with a very crazy woman. i have a tiny period of normalcy. i finally move home to vegas. i fall in love with a beautiful hippie-punk boy who is like my siamese twin. we are together for years doing drugs, having much fun. we move to ohio. we are seperated, but he never ceases to be my phantom limb. i meet the yang to his yin. much madness insues. we run away to the lost coast. we part but this yang is still my close friend. my childhood friend is randomly murdered by a man who "hears voices." i stop doing drugs and i go to bed for a few months. i get up one morning and cut off my waist-length hair and start living again. i have an affair with an older man, my boss. i meet another and marry him a few months later. he turns out not to be who he advertised. i spend my days dreaming of escape. we live in prague, isolated from everything. i work with kids. they help me heal a lot of stuff just by being sweet and funny. i move back to the states. true friends i had picked up along the way help me leave him. i walk with nothing but a huge debt he racked up in my name. i go to massage school. i begin drinking. i work, i keep rolling along. i meet a "good man" who was a lot of fun, for me and apparently some other women too. i am offered a job on the road for a year. i travel the united states, canada, europe, the uk. i say a prayer at le sacre' cour, i sit in a tomb in edinburgh, i watch a sunset in santorini. i come back. i have a hard time. i feel "lost." i lean back towards my old ways. then, i meet the best person i have ever known and i fall in love. we move to abq. i sit next to her now. i feel my ghosts fading away-what was once heavy slips away like a wisp of smoke. this is what love can do. i am happy. i am blessed. i have amazing people in my life. i have no regrets. i am lucky.