got eggs?

Last night, during another marathon session of staring at the ceiling in the dark, i was trying to think of creative ways to contribute to my home. AKA-moneymoneymoney. i remembered a few years back when i was thinking about selling my eggs to some eggless family. (for anyone feeling slow right now i am referring to baby human eggs-not baby chicken ones. no matter how bad off you are, you can always sell a pint of blood and go pick up the baby chicken kind-not so with baby human eggs.) most women have millions and they literally just go to waste month after month. i have already decided beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only am i selfish as all hell, i do not have a heart or psyche that is strong enough to withstand the pain that is possible when you grow something inside of you and then push it out and hope for the best. i weep when a plant of mine dies. then, i think about kidnappings, murderers, crazy folk that have a certain appreciation for the way a child sounds when it screams during torture. yeah. thats ugly, but its true-its out there. and i am never going to deal with it. on the flip side of that-what about the little mutants that decide one night it might be "tons of fun" to go kill the folks? you never really believe you grew yourself a mutant until they are standing over your bed with a knife, smiling. creepy, uh yes am i cynical? uh-maybe a little but i prefer to think of myself as practical. i dont like to juggle knives or play with fire either. so, in any case...if other people (crazy) want to take these chances, who am i to sway them? so here is the ad for my eggs.

EGGS FOR SALE-GET YOUR SEMI-FRESH EGGS HERE

you want these! about me-suprising good health for lifestyle-its the sturdy dutch stock in the blood. lots of hard drug use, though mostly during the teenage years when everything was still forming in my body so its okay. (well, and that little spree in my late twenties but i did a master cleanse since so it should be fine.) down to just 2 ciggerettes a day and i have recently taken up walking. with my genes you get a sensitive, artistic naturemadness, a happy social personalitydrunkard, thoughtful with attention to detailocdocdocdocdocdocd, enjoys quiet days and nights inquivering on the verge of agoraphobia. there is resilience that astounds-i once lived on pancakes and peanut butter for about four months. insomnia may be a problem but a few sips of whiskey will take care of that (wink, wink.) serious offers only please.