in another world...

so, today i spent the afternoon with my ex. not just any ex-but THE ex. we all have one...i went over there to get some stuff off the internet for school. i was sure he would help me. its his nature, he would give a stranger the shirt off his back AND buy him lunch. it was cool to spend a little time with him. i dont MISS him anymore, but i feel his absence when we havnt talked for awhile. the nice thing is we have been apart long enough to be around each other painlessly, the only sad thing is being around him always makes me think of an alternate life that couldve been. i cant say he is perfect because no one is, but im not convinced that there is anyone in this world who could be more right for me than him. and im positive that there is no one better for him than me (hahaha)(of course)
but really, the thought that comes to mind is "the thing that fits you perfectly."
i looked around his house and was flooded with thoughts. (we were going to buy a house together.) he has made a lot of improvements to it. (we would have made it a home.) ect, ect. his dog remembers me. (i was there when he got her, she rode home in my car.) he knows me so well, there is so much comfort. it always feels with him like we have never been apart. i would like to believe it cant be like that for him with every other girl. i live on veggies and frozen food-he feeds me steak. its a fact, as well as an interesting analogy. there was a time if you wouldve asked me-"is he the one, will you be with him forever?"- i wouldve answered-not a doubt in my mind. which is probably why it was so shocking and devastating when we split. we really had no problems at all (well, except that itty, bitty commitment thing) but really, we were happy. i was in love. i think he was as in love as he could be. he just wasnt ready. i can handle that now, i understand. but, we just fit together, we had this comfort, understanding-(that strangely has seemed to increase after being apart.) that "passion" thing always seemed fake to me. it fades. if you are making this lifetime promise to someone it has to be based on more than that. what i felt is this man is my best friend, this is the man who i want to have kids with someday. this is the man i want to take care of for life. and the thing is-i really believe he wants that too. just not yet. chalk it up to bad timing, maybe? but how is it i have never felt so at home with anyone else? part of me wants to ask him-are you happy? alone, or in meaningless situations? is this really what you want? but, i will never pursue him. the only way i would ever know it was truly what he wanted is if he came to me, ready. i dont want him back in my life in any real way until he is really ready to be here. i can still love him, but be smart. is it normal that you can feel like you have truly moved on, and you are fine with it all yet still believe somehow its meant to be, that you belong with someone?
his aura is gold. his heart is beautiful. he will be a wonderful father and husband to someone, someday. in another world he would be mine.