open head, remove brain

in an attempt to make good on my word i am actually forgoing sleep!!! just to write a quickie this morning. so, sunday i was invited to go to olympic gardens (stripclub) for some event with the boys (b.d.l. and his b.f.f.) im SOOOO grateful that some part of me saw the folly in that idea and did not go. which must have worked to drive him crazy wondering what i was up to because he knows im off at eight, and he called at 8:05 last night. its funny because just last thurs. he had this total "whore" sex with me. sex thats great, but you definately do not feel cherished in any way. "suck my dick, get on top of me" sex. the morning after that i didnt even kiss him goodbye. just got my clothes on and said-later. well, i thinking maybe he didnt like that because ever since he has been really sweet and affectionate again. dont get me wrong-im all for a completely dirty romp, but if the guy has any feelings for a girl it has to be tempered with some sort of humour and affection. he invited me over last night which is cool because ive never really just hung out with him during the week. and he was so affectionate, and we had a really good time together. and he held me all night. and he does this really cute thing where he will wake up about fifty times a night and ask me if im okay. "no, i actually died about ten minutes ago and you missed it...." :)
this thing is niggling the back of my brain. this is not my guy. but theres just something. he's a towhead-so blond its white almost. his face is as red as a beet-he's irish. his two front teeth are really big and long-buggs bunny? he's covered in hair, he's got a beer belly. and i am so attracted to him. i have to be so careful with this. but it seems im on the right path. i dont call him and he comes around. he is definately one of those people the less i ask for the more i will get. i just hope he doesnt go all back and forth on me again. i told him he needed to knock that off two weeks ago, cause im not trying to be serious. (or maybe im trying not be serious-catch the difference?) aaaackaaaaaga-he's a baby punk! what am i doing????
maybe its really all about animal pheremones. i like his smell. and he's always taking a deep breath in my neck. he said he doesnt want anything serious either. but i see something in his eyes. as jess would say-god lord!