blue bonnie

tonight i am lonely, and irrationally unhappy. i guess i am "blue" right now. i think that is what most people mean when they say they are blue-they feel sad for no reason, they dont know whats wrong. thats how i feel now. on the news tonight they were showing a tour of a famous house here in vegas, where a high profile murder took place. the house is being sold, so the owners let a news camera to go through. the backyard is huge, and in the far back corner there is a very creepy abondoned playhouse that belonged to a little girl named bonnie several years ago. there is still a dusty wooden "play stove" inside. even through the tv, the sight of the playhouse made my throat close up. some strong intuition tells me that something very wrong happened in that playhouse. a stream of different strange images flashed across my mind. alittle girl running across a huge lawn at night to hide there. a sunny day and woman calling out, "baaaaahnie," in a strange accent. the song, "my bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea, my bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my bonnie to me," in an unsettling tone of voice. that song makes me think of a murder, and a body being slipped into dark waters never to be found. dead eyes underwater, staring until the fish come and eat them. bad things happen to little girls. so, i guess i know why i feel blue. sometimes i get these little flashes and i dont know what to make of them. the other day i was daydreaming on the freeway and i wondered if a plane was going down and it had to make an emergency landing on a freeway how crazy it would be. a few hours later that day, a pilot did just that. that gave me a shiver, but it didnt make me feel haunted like i do right now. the image of that playhouse in my mind is making my skin crawl. it will be so much fun trying to go to sleep tonight. its all in the past so it doesnt matter, really. i hope im wrong. i hope nothing bad happened to bonnie.

still alive

im here. just barely though. not to sound too dramatic (jeez.) between school and work and trying to have some kind of a social life there is just nothing left right now. its cool, only a few more weeks for school. than maybe i will have the energy and motivation to write something interesting. this, however is not-so i will stop.