its the final countdown...(dadadada...dadadadada....)

here it is-months of waiting have come to this. its new years, i have to go to court on friday, and then seek new employment on monday (after my dentist appointment of course.) way to start the new year! at this rate, by years end i'll probably be in juarez making corn husk dolls to sell to tourists and living on unprepared jello. (sigh)

i wish tonight i was in vegas. with my family-my girls who i have spent so many a holiday with. there is no place like vegas, and for the bad rap i give her-it is my childhood, my life both good and terrible. both of my parents came to vegas as tiny children, my mom was only 2 i think. we still own the home my great-grandmother bought in the late 40's. its a convenient drive away from all the new downtown bars that have sprung up recently. i always say it sucked to grow up there, but maybe suck is the wrong word. it was just so different. i used to ditch jr high and go walk around fremont street. no one would ever say shit to a kid there because it was assumed your mom or dad were in a nearby casino losing your college education. where there is now massive over-development, i used to go out shooting. it was desert for miles. my dad would set out milk jugs and stuff like that and hand me the shotgun. i loved to go to bonniesprings, and red rock (not the casino.) going to lake mead might of well as been the ocean. the streets would flood during the heavy summer rains, and all the kids would go play in it. (there was even the urban legend about the one kid who got swept under a car and drowned but i don't think it was ever substaniated.) i feel so much nostalgia.

i was asked yesterday if i would ever move back and i answered 99.9% NO.

but...i have learned that life can change as quickly as you take a breath. i have lived enough lives in just 30 (ahem-31) years to know that. so i understand there are no diffinitives. and vegas will always be my home. however, if i appear to go missing for awhile feel free to stop by juarez and offer me a hot meal.

whiskey psychosis

so, last night, our home, a wee get-together. i asked a friend to bring a small bottle of jack daniels (cause its generally rude to ask for them to bring the gallon) since our personal supply was mysteriously depleted. (as in...open cupboard, gasp, "when did all that get drrrunkend?") luckily, our friend is generous and thoughfull-she brought the biggest bottle you can purchase-about the size of a jug of milk. after a few warm up beers as i cleaned and put together a cheese and meat plate, i tucked in to the real stuff. in earnest.

this morning i realized betwixt my sweetie and my myself we drank a third of the jug. a third. i was confused upon awaking since i felt paralyzed from the waist down, "oh shit, what happened....?" it was okay...i was facedown and jeda the cat had fallen asleep across my ass, so the entire lower half of my body had fallen asleep. then i realized shan was missing...it was okay...she was passed out in the back room. but back to last night...

i had asked our sweet neighbor to come over. i really like her and had been wanting to get to know her better. but, anyone who has been around me drinking knows well my open-book syndrome and my propensity for saying SERIOUSLY inappropriate things. never meant to be harmful, im not really an asshole (except by accident.) lets just call me an idiot.

so, of course we relapsed smoking last night (cursed fucking things!) as our little party was going outside to smoke i asked her (the neighbor) if she smoked. she replied, "no, after watching my father die of lung cancer i just couldn't." to which i said, "bwa, bwa, bwaaaaaa." which doesnt translate well in writing, but its the debbie downer sound from the snl skit. i embarrased to to write this, but i actually feel like i need to call myself out here. (when i called jessie and told her this morning she gave it to me straight, "oh my god, you're an asshole!!!") i DID realize what i had done right away, and apologized profusely. she was either polite, understanding, or she just didnt catch it-so no harm done really. (but good god!!!!)

at 3am, after she was long asleep i for some reason thought putting some winter-deadened potted plants on her porch was a good idea. im sure she's very excited to take me up on the offer i made for us all to go to dinner after the first of the year....

so, final score-SHE-brought candy, hummus, and a bottle of wine. I-mocked her fathers death and left some dead plants at her door. wtg jen. good job...