80 to 0 like a car accident

my community service is bullshit! i went with an open mind-fully believing on a cosmic level i DO deserve this, and that i will get some meaningful experience out of it. yeah. so i show up at which point i realize-this isn’t a womens shelter-its an everybody shelter. (if everybody just woke up and said "i dont feel like doing jack-shit anymore so im not gonna!!!") these people were assholes. they sat around being worthless and watching me while i hauled their shit around, cleaned up after them... i kills me that the taxes i pay help to support them sitting around doing (cannot stress it enough) absolutely nothing while im there supposedly paying for something i did wrong. i was told-actually told-i needed to check myself for lice in the coming days for being in contact with their bedding. why you ask? because these people get clean sheets every day, three meals, entertainment, etc... i lived in a similar situation when i was fourteen and we did EVERYTHING for ourselves-cooking, cleaning, laundry-everything. to make matters better HA! the radio in the laundry roon was set to some bullshit christian radio station. i asked to change it and got ALL kinds of attitude for even suggesting that a secular radio station might be a better choice. the whole place is "crazy christian" and guess when i go back? next sunday-EASTER SUNDAY! i can only imagine... im exhausted because for ten days my schedule goes a little something like this-comm service, work/school, interlock/work, work/school, probation officer/work, work, work, comm service, work/school, comm service. shoot me... i go get the interlock installed tommorrow and someone thought i should go hang out tonight since its st. patricks. sounds like fun-sure. im weirded out by having to actually go see a probabtion officer. i feel like lady (from lady and the tramp) when she ends up in the shelter. like-how did this all happen? oh yeah...cause i was stupid. with the ways things are going i will surely end up with the lice. its going to be a long year...

grateful

late last night we heard him meow outside the window we left open. tucker is back, safe and sound. gone for two days and almost two nights...

amazing. i know a lot of people are like "wow. duh. cats come home." well, not in my experience and especially not indoor cats. they usually become so afraid once they are outside that they end up hiding, literally paralyzed with fear to the point that even if they hear you calling their instincts will hold them in their hiding spot. we are lucky. tucker is not a nuerotic cat, so thankfully he was brave enough to come back out from wherever he was at. im just so happy. he is part of our family and it wasn't the same without him.

kitty karma

wtf!?!?! i think i am cursed...

red-mysterious dissapearance, baby-feline leukemia, calico-weird wasting disease,shalla-bal-car accident, branford-dissapeared, thomas-failure to thrive, karma(oh my sweetest little furball)-dog attack IN MY BACKYARD! as in two dogs jumped into my backyard and attacked and killed a gimpy cat that couldnt get away and didnt know to be scared of them.

i have had one damn cat that actually died of old age and natural causes. tucker still isnt home. i kept dreaming of him all night. its amazing how no matter what steps i take to protect my cats as i learn about the horrors that befall them-i still cannot seem to keep them safe. and this is why i am NEVER EVER having children. when karma was killed i cried like i would never get over it. i ached physically from the amount of emotional pain i felt over this animal-my constant companion for eight years.and then a few months later a tiny healthy replica of him ran into my front door. i thanked the universe and we named him tucker after the way he would do this little stevie wonder move and tuck his head into us-with total trust, total love.

just once-i want the miracle. im sick of dead or dissapeared cats. i just want him to come home.

worst possible day ever

i pleaded out. my lawyer said i didnt have much of a chance without witnesses and that even then it would be iffy. so im in the first offenders program. community service, fines, victims panel, dwi school, interlock for one year. so we are selling the batmobile-the coolest car i have ever driven-so that i can get a junker to put the interlock in. its not the end of the world. but you know what really almost is? coming home from court and finding my beloved cat tucker gone. he got out somehow and he is gone, gone, gone. i am devastated. he has a microchip so there is some hope. but he is also an indoor only cat with no experience around cars, dogs, strangers... im struck dumb by the amount of sadness i feel right now.